That was a few months ago, and ever since, he wrestled with feelings of guilt and remorse. The problem with being cut off from your family, whether it was your choice or theirs, was that it meant admitting you didn’t really ever have a family. It meant the death of hope. Tora didn’t have a father. He never did, and he was never going to. That’s what it meant. Hot tears poured from his eyes and splattered over the floor. When am I going to stop crying over this?
His siblings came shortly after, taking Ascon’s side in a hurry in ostracizing “the family weed.” This didn’t bother him for most, except for Hayle, his youngest sibling. It hurt most with Hayle and he could still clearly remember the last time she visited. How she shook when she pleaded with him.
“You had a good job -Daddy was proud of you! I don’t get it!”
He tried to explain.
“What do you have to be depressed for?!”
He tried again.
“You can’t say that! You’re wrong! Daddy loves you. She’s worked so hard for you! You’re just – you’re confused is all, because you feel too much! O-Or you did-” She was trying so hard to save things again, he knew that.
“…Can you feel anything?” Tora asked. “Does he really love me?”
“That’s not fair, Tora! You know I can’t!”
He’d made her cry again – felt her tears roll down his cheeks. Or were they his? Tora tensed as he pushed the feelings out again, trying desperately to remain Soundless.
“H-He doesn’t….” He wiped his face uselessly. “He won’t even let me call him father, Hayle.”
“She just wants you to be more mature! She’s just really strict, you know that.”
“He said if I was anyone else’s sapling, he’d hate me.”
Hayle went silent at that.
This was last month.
…She was still silent.
*
The tears weren’t stopping and he gave up trying, lying back on the floor to stare up at the ceiling. He’d lost Hayle, and now…
The only one left to cut out was Terin -Tora felt himself tense involuntarily just thinking his name. Terin. He was his best friend, or had been. He used to talk to him about everything, even the darkest things he didn’t dare tell anyone. It felt like Terin understood him when no one else would –listened when no one else would. Tora had felt so certain Terin would understand why he’d joined Baya’s guild but… he hadn’t.
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